Attack of the Freebie T-shirt / by Joe Baz

No woman will ever run up to you on the street and start talking about your 2007 WorldCon T-shirt. Ever.

Do you have a closet full of free T-shirts from every convention or sponsored event you've ever attended? Do you incorporate those logo emblazoned over sized throw-aways as part of your wardrobe? Stop. The freebie T-shirt is not an outfit, just like a piece of toilet paper is not a towel.

When I'm at a new client's house clearing out their old wardrobe I inevitably stumble upon three or more drawers overstuffed with free T-shirts. As I struggle to close one drawer and open the next the client will always sheepishly say one of two things: "They were free." or "I keep them for memory's sake."

Now, the freebie T-shirt has a time and a place: when you are home by yourself, drunk, and probably not wearing any pants. Those are about the only times to whip out that MacWorld 2005 cotton memorial. In case you're thinking "I got this for free so I may as well wear it." that discerning criteria will ensure you have nothing but the very best in your life. Make sure not to pass by any medical supply vans on the street handing out free needles.

Keeping the shirts around to help you remember events? Easier than digging through an entire closet to hold your company's softball championship sweat stained t-shirt to reminisce about the victory is taking photos, they take up less space and there's no folding or laundry upkeep. Welcome to the digital era.

Aside from tricking you into thinking that they're wearable garments, free t-shirts nefariously accumulate in your closet and drawers leaving you little room for real clothes. Don't fall into the trap - select 5 of your favorite free Ts and toss the rest to make room for stuff that actually looks good on you.