Pantyhose for men, FINALLY! / by Joe Baz

Behold the glory! No longer are men regulated to suffer in mere socks. Rejoice for you have been e-MAN-cipated according to  Now the Y-chromosome can enjoy pleasures previously reserved strictly for ladies, drag queens, and cross dressers by proudly sporting stockings of their very own.  I know most of you are expecting me to jump all over this misguided fashion initiative like the media on Joe The Plumber. But let's not get out our torches and start forming mobs just yet. As a society we have some preconceived notions about gender appropriate attire, when the first pant suit for women was showcased on runways there was a uproar, and that didn't turn out so bad, so maybe it's the same thing for dudes in pantyhose. This whole manhose business made me contemplate the quest for gender equality in general. Just because we can wear something previously reserved for the opposite sex, does that mean we should? And, if an item like pantyhose is adopted by men, will it automatically be shunned by the majority merely because of our predetermined beliefs about what's right and wrong for a man to wear? Could there be actual benefits for a guy who wears pantyhose instead of socks? A survey of the experts was in order, i.e., women who wear pantyhose frequently.

To slight surprise, their answers were almost identical. Initial reaction of wide eyes, followed by "What?!", followed by "Why the f@&# would any guy want to wear hose? They itch, they run, and they always bunch down around the ankles!". Not willing to give in so easy because of the a fore mentioned automatic shunning, I pressed further, why specifically did they think it was wrong for a man to wear pantyhose? Their answers, again almost identical, were variations of two words, sweaty... and, um, how can I say this elegantly? Well, it rhymes with malls.  Yep, apparently these ladies were all very well aware of the climate inside a pair of pantyhose. I found myself no longer able to play devil's advocate.

So, I'll be keeping a close eye on our friends at the manhose factory. Perhaps their next ground breaking release will be a bra for men, aka, The Bro.  Or a corset for men they'll whimsically dub, The Chester.  In the mean time I'll just be waiting for that moment I hear the man in the elevator behind me exasperatingly whisper, "Oh darn, I got run in my stockings, and right before the Pats game too!" I hope you guys feels liberated.