What a croc of sh@! / by Joe Baz

As summer comes to a close, I am comforted by only one thing, that the majority of crocs will be put away for the season.

Although, I gotta hand it to the person who took purely functional gardening protective footwear and gave it the ubiquity of the flip flop. That person is a miracle worker and should be sought out to create world peace, end hunger, and reverse the damage we've done to our planet overnight. This is the person who can clearly make the impossible possible. Seriously, does anyone have their phone number and can you send it to me?

I want to know how they persevered through other's doubt while the crocs empire was only in its fledgling stages. What kind of frosty looks did this champion of Swiss cheese clown shoes get when pitching the Board of Directors their idea? If only I could have been a fly on the wall...

Croc Visionary - "Our next frontier, Ladies and Gentlemen, clunky bulbous plastic clogs for the masses!"

Board of Directors - Blank stare.

Croc Visionary - "There's more. We can laden them with holes to be reminiscent of everybody's favorite cheese."

Board of Directors - Blank stare.

Croc Visionary - "We'll make them in the most popular My Little Pony colors like pink and lime and lavender. Oh and did I mention their best feature? They're not just going to be stunning to look at, they're functional too. Plastic is actually a very breathable material, ignore what you previously thought about sweat build up, it's actually very healthy for the foot, and smells great. In fact we're gonna plug up those air holes with some flair, bright stars and lucky charms shapes, people won't be able to resist!"

Board of Directors - "This is for kids only right? Children are impressionable enough and they like silly looking things. There's no way we could make anyone over the age of 10 wear these. In fact there is no way any adult with an ounce of dignity would wear something like this in public, let alone part with their hard earned money just to look like the butt of someone's joke. No grown up is that gullible. Our company will be the laughing stock of the industry if we try to push this bull snot of a regrettable fad on the good people of this nation."

Croc Visionary - "But they're comfortable."

Board of Directors - "So are bunny slippers and pajamas but we're not in the business of encouraging people to devolve and forsake aesthetics in public. Don’t we want our citizens to take pride and care in their presentation, offer them products that have both form and function?"

Croc Visionary - "Well, there's 500 million pairs arriving to every store in America by the end of the week so I guess we'll just see what wins out, gullibility or common sense."

Stupid Board of Directors.